Last night I had one of the strangest, but also most educational experiences of my time in Japan so far. My mate and I wanted to take on the challenge of interacting with strangers - especially women - in a social setting. Our destination: a so-called ‘English pub’, where you might expect to meet an international crowd, at least Japanese people who could speak English. But as soon as we entered the bar, we realised that the only foreigners in this ‘English pub’ were ourselves.

A pub full of Japanese people - and us in the middle of it all

Although we had expected a completely different atmosphere, the mood was surprisingly relaxed. Japanese people are often considered reserved, but in this bar it seemed to be different. The alcohol and the relaxed environment made people more open, more talkative - almost like a culture shock in mini format. People were still polite, but the distance you often feel in everyday life was blown away here. People gently pushed each other aside to manoeuvre their way through this large bar. And although you would think that at least in this environment, some eyes would be on you, it was only a little bit like that. Of course you noticed a few glances from women and a few nodding gestures from a few men, but much less than expected.

The challenge: the language barrier

While we ordered a beer, we quickly realised that small talk in English didn't work here. Most of the guests could barely speak English, and our Japanese wasn't exactly at a conversational level either. After some time and an almost empty beer, we were about to leave and go to the next bar, but for some reason we stayed for a few more minutes. And then we struck up a conversation with three Japanese people who were very nice, spoke fragile English and gave me an unexpected ‘mission’ after some small talk. One of them taught me three Japanese phrases to use in the direction of a woman. The phrases were something along the lines of: ‘Hey! You're very cute, I'd like to talk to you. Shall we go for a drink?’ After I repeated the phrases, a little drunk, about 10 times, not always without mistakes, they said I was ready. I wasn't so sure, but before I could realise what was happening, they gently but firmly pushed me in their direction. One of the Japanese followed me closely to translate in an emergency.

The moment of truth

There I was, equipped with three Japanese phrases and a mixture of nervousness and a sense of adventure. I approached the woman, she looked at me and I pronounced the sentences flawlessly, trying my best to say them with the right intonation. The woman smiled politely, replied in Japanese - and I understood... nothing. A brief, somewhat awkward silence. Then I looked a little too helplessly at my new Japanese friend, who continued talking for me. I looked slightly amused at him, at her, then back at him. They talked a bit, I tried to add a few more sentences. We ‘talked’ briefly about our ages, she was 29, which was probably too old? I wasn't quite sure. Then a polite nod of the head, a smile, and she turned back to her friend. A friendly but clear rejection. I went back to the table and asked what had just happened. I found the whole thing amusing, it wasn't as if I was hoping for anything. My support just said: ‘You, very kind. She, not kind. But you did really good.’ Roughly translated and summarised, he explained to me that I was very polite and nice, but she wasn't and that it was better that she said no. He wanted to send me straight to the next woman, but that was enough for me for now. We laughed for a while and the five of us swapped stories about Japan, Germany and travelling.

Lessons learnt from an evening

Of course, I wouldn't have minded if my first time had worked out straight away, but the experience was great. It was exciting to see how different the Japanese were in this bar - more relaxed, direct and yet respectful. And although I was turned down, it was a valuable lesson in courage, social dynamics and intercultural communication.

Maybe it wasn't the most successful evening in terms of flirting success, but definitely one of the most entertaining. And who knows? Next time I might have a few more phrases in my repertoire. It was a very fun evening!

What did I do at the weekend? I visited a shrine and its flea market! You can read more about it here.